i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
