She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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