Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
