The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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