In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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