this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
