You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
