i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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