I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
