so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
