this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish you could order shots online.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
