I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
