dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
