Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
