Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We have started to decorate penises.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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