I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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