My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
