I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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