i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there is glitter all over my balls
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
