were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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