i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
