just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
