she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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