he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
