Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
