something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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