You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
one two three fourrrrnication!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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