He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
