he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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