My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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