I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
