I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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