You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
