Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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