you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
