She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
