you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
