I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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