If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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