it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So many bounce houses so little time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
