Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She even gives head with a lisp.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
