My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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