Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
