i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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