Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
