I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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