I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
