i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize