we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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