I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
