FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
