I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
