I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
