i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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