remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
