I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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