Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize