did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
