to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
