I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
