I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
