His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
