I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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