found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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