Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
