dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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