I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
