I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
