i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
