He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
