No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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