im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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