It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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