Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
