I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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