when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
