just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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