My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize