this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We need to rekindle our bromance
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
