Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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