i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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