do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
