my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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