I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
