Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
