Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i think i just lost a toe
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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