Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
