oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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