You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
