Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
