I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
