Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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