I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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