Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
