i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
