how can u be prego again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize