take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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