i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
