You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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