So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
