I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
