ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
