just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
