well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
