If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize