Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
