yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
