My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
