my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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