do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
