Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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