My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
