I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
