So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
