Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
