"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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