im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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