im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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